Dear God,
                 Mass today was a bit diconcerting. The priest talked about all the things of Jesus being a present to humanity, and I loved it and believed in it. Then there was the part about Mary, and how she was Your perfect handmaid. I love Christmas; I really do, but I feel like the Catholic church seems to consider Christmas an ode to her rather than an ode to You for sending us Your Son.
        I may be wrong, and that may is leaning towards definitely. I've done this before -I've insulted Mary when she is a saint, and she is a good person, and she hasn't done anything to me- and I don't want to do it again. I love Mary; she is the only strong woman character (besides the other Mary..Mary Magdelene) in the whole Bible, but sometimes I think that she is overestimated to a point where it is blasphemous...it's okay to honor Mary, but I just don't think she's as special as You, or Jesus, or the Spirit. Is this an awkward topic?
         I want to be able to talk freely about such things, but I'm just scared that I'll commit blasphemy (though I enjoy saying that word). I'm scared that I'll ruin things; I mean Mary isn't the kind of person one should be rude about...but that begs the question of is there a kind of person about whom one can be rude? Is Mother Mary in some sort of higher status than us regular humans and saints or is she just an ordinary humble girl who got assigned a huge task and who stayed humble?
         Who is Mother Mary and why is she so significant (beyond the obvious)?

Cheers.

Dear God,
                 Here I am, sitting up at 1 in the morning, pretending to be righteous in writing a religious-ish post after a long day of absolutely no Christmas reflection or even a slightly deep thought relating to anything Christian. I am just disillusioned after not winning a scholarship (which I didn't even pray for), and just being an absolute failure.
                Does Christmas mean anything to me at all? I'm tired of my own facade, and trying-too-hard (and ending up not trying at all) to find meaning in my disappointingly shallow thoughts. I thought that if I did this 7-days-of-advent thing, I'd be able to be a pure, righteous girl - a perfect Catholic who'd deserve to have her prayers answers. I thought that finding meaning in a tradition that I only barely acknowledge, but is clearly important, would help me be a better person. Maybe I'm just not going to be a better person, at least in regards to Christmas anyway.
                Maybe Christmas means nothing to me but the fact that it is the birth of Jesus who is an amazing, passionate, and vibrant role model. Maybe it doesn't bring love, peace, and joy to my life. Maybe it's just another birthday for me.
               I'd love to celebrate Jesus' birthday, but I want to do it on my terms. I don't think cakes, and presents, and the "holiday spirit" (which is just a forced feeling of nice-ness) is my way of honoring someone. I think I'd just acknowledge Jesus' birthday by wishing him quietly under my breath and being thankful that he came down to Earth and graced us with his presence and died for us.
              I love Christmas for its literal meaning, and I'm afraid it just doesn't hold much sublimal sentiment for me.

Cheers.

Dear God,
                It is already Day 2 of my Christmas Reflections Week, and I've just had the brilliant idea of listening to pop culture Christmas songs and reading Christmas stories to understand the season better.
         So far, I've listening to one song which cannot be considered particularly Christmas-y aside from its one phrase "looks like christmas came early for me" (cue some amazing bass), but have remembered others: the likes of 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'.
      Christmas, at least according to pop culture, is about wishes being granted - a time of presents and gifts. A time when the limitations of happiness are almost obsolete as everyone is out to make others' lives a better place. Santa Claus climbs through chimneys, mistletoe hangs conviniently over nodding heads that have been dancing around each other for a while, holiday music sparks impromptu dance parties in tired relationships, and the lights wink conspiratorially, lifting spirits with their mischeif.
         Neither Santa Claus nor mistletoe was an original part of the celebration of Christmas; it was something added on through years of human culture. But even these fake, but beautiful celebratory devices have their roots: they seem to have emmerged from the very air of enchantment, wish-granting and present-giving which was first seen on that cold winter's day in Bethlehem when You gave the world its best present yet: Your own Son to guide us and show us the truth.

Cheers.

Dear God,
                Christmas is fast approaching, and I must say that my efforts for a Christmas spirit are being sidetracked into general loudness, and unwanted enthusiasm. My lively renditions of 'Joy to the World' led to a more sombre (but ultimately more interesting) spell of  'Hashivenu," which I found out is a song of mourning.
           On that note, my reflections of Christmas haven't been very enlightening. I'm going to say now that I know that Christmas is about new beginnings. It is the start of a new life, and not just any new life. It is the start of Jesus, and of a new era of seeing beyond the ends of human logic.

Christmas is about birth, dawn, and change. The little child that emmerge unto the world on Christmas day certainly brought about all those three things. Maybe this Christmas, that child will bring them to me too.

Cheers.

Dear God,
                 Christmas is less than 10 days away, and I am yet to enter the holiday spirit. The world must sound of the triumph of the Lord risen again; it must be transcended with contagious joy. And that just is not happening for me; the sky is overcast like it's mourning, and I haven't encountered even the slightest breath of fresh air in more than 24 hours.
                   My family hasn't done much to cultivate the spirit of Christmas ever, but I'm not going to let that get to me. It's going to be Christmas music everywhere, and true reflections of what this time of the year means to me. The Christmas tree isn't just going to be a lanky eyesore; it's actually going to mean something this year.
                The problem is just that after all these years of immersion in society's ideas and my family's inattention, I just don't know what Christmas really means to me. Society has always told me that Christmas is about snow, Santa, and presents and I believed it(even though I've spent most of my life in the tropics, am scared of Santa, and have rarely received Christmas presents). My parents have told me that it's about neat, fancy, new clothes, and listening attentively to the priest as he goes through a Christmas mass, and I've followed (even though my new clothes are usually scratchy and/or far too distracting, and all I ever did during Christmas mass was stare vacantly at the priest as he went through is meaningless words and actions).
                 I know now that Christmas is not about beautiful clothes on my squirming body or dainty presents under the tackily decorated tree; it isn't about a certain sled-borne gentlemen who squeezes through chimneys that are too small for him or even about going to mass because it is an obligation.
I know what Christmas is not, but I don't know what it is.

This next week is going to be my Christmas boot camp; I will find my holiday spirit and I will ground it on the truth.

Cheers.

Dear God,
                 I think most of us Christians are not worthy of your name. Not too many of us can truly say that we are the followers of the purest Lord Almighty.
             If we really did care for and love the one another and the world, we would be less passive. A typical Chirstian goes to church, prays, is always nice to his/her loved ones, and is very charitable with money. That would all be well and good if our role model was someone who did all of those things, and only those things. But Jesus was a revolutionary; he didn't sit around hoping other people would change the world; he went out and did it. Jesus was caring and passionate, witty and loud. He didn't pray piously then sit back and relax: he both prayed and went out into the world. He was no delicate Auntie Annie, he was the face of change.
             None of us who dress impeccably for church and give money to the poor can truly call ourselves Christian because we are fulfilling only one part of the requirement: loving those around us. The other one: loving the world and wanting to make it a better place for everyone, we (most of us) completely ignore.
            I want to be a part of change Lord, and I am convinced that just praying isn't enough. I want to be the instrument of all the prayers like Jesus was, and still is.

Cheers.