Dear God,
This is regarding the poor little girl with cancer I dissed today. I suppose the only reason I was a bit mad about her was because my mother mentioned her to me, and I have trained myself to reject any of my mother's religious advances: they don't seem genuine to me (which is crazy because she is so sin conscious- she's NOT a bad person, but I don't think her type of religion is the same as mine- which is also crazy because we are both Catholics, and she brought me up: we're supposed to have the same faith system).
Anyway, I shouldn't have been so angry that the little girl prayed for her hair to stay on even after chemo, and got her wish granted. It's just that I was jealous, and also that I needed to prove myself to be a wicked person to my mother (why do I do that?). I ask for things, but I don't ask for things that seems so trivial...I mean hair? really? (but then again, she was a little girl, and she was a brave one. Cancer at an age when the only consequence of the disease you can think of is your impending hair loss? That's a harsh one..)I shouldn't have judged what she asked for, and I shouldn't have been bitter that she got it.
I shouldn't have said that there were people who suffered far more, and deserved this help. It wasn't my place, and I understand that. This is a full apology: I shouldn't have judged whose wishes You grant, and whose wishes You don't. I'm sorry.
I just think it's unfair that not a hair on that little girl's head fell off (though her health did deteriorate, I heard), when there are homeless veterans, and women in the middle east who can't leave their houses. I just think that suffering and happiness is imbalanced in this world; I wish everyone had the same amount of suffering as they had happiness. I suppose the homeless, and the imprisoned could ask You for help, but they're just so disillusioned by the world; they can't believe in a higher power of goodness because they can't believe in anything. It's always the comfortable and the happy that can believe in God. I mean, I was born a Christian (luckily), and brought up comfortably- only good things happened to me, and that's why I'm so very Christian. I don't know what I would be if I weren't brought up Christian, and good things didn't happen to me. Maybe, I wouldn't believe. I don't really know.
I want to pray for all those who can't believe, who won't. Life has been tough on them, and I feel guilty leading a better one, and judging them for not calling out to You. I pray for them instead of them. I pray for all of them- can You please make them feel like someone is praying for them? You have a way with those kind of things :)
I can't judge people who won't pray, because I know that they deserve miracles too. I'm not angry that that little Christian girl got what she wanted, but I want a little non-Christian girl who has lost her ability to believe to be able to get her miracle too.
I'm a selfish girl myself, but I'd really love for a miracle to happen to a random faithless stranger because I endorsed it. I'm sending my vibes.
Cheers.
This is regarding the poor little girl with cancer I dissed today. I suppose the only reason I was a bit mad about her was because my mother mentioned her to me, and I have trained myself to reject any of my mother's religious advances: they don't seem genuine to me (which is crazy because she is so sin conscious- she's NOT a bad person, but I don't think her type of religion is the same as mine- which is also crazy because we are both Catholics, and she brought me up: we're supposed to have the same faith system).
Anyway, I shouldn't have been so angry that the little girl prayed for her hair to stay on even after chemo, and got her wish granted. It's just that I was jealous, and also that I needed to prove myself to be a wicked person to my mother (why do I do that?). I ask for things, but I don't ask for things that seems so trivial...I mean hair? really? (but then again, she was a little girl, and she was a brave one. Cancer at an age when the only consequence of the disease you can think of is your impending hair loss? That's a harsh one..)I shouldn't have judged what she asked for, and I shouldn't have been bitter that she got it.
I shouldn't have said that there were people who suffered far more, and deserved this help. It wasn't my place, and I understand that. This is a full apology: I shouldn't have judged whose wishes You grant, and whose wishes You don't. I'm sorry.
I just think it's unfair that not a hair on that little girl's head fell off (though her health did deteriorate, I heard), when there are homeless veterans, and women in the middle east who can't leave their houses. I just think that suffering and happiness is imbalanced in this world; I wish everyone had the same amount of suffering as they had happiness. I suppose the homeless, and the imprisoned could ask You for help, but they're just so disillusioned by the world; they can't believe in a higher power of goodness because they can't believe in anything. It's always the comfortable and the happy that can believe in God. I mean, I was born a Christian (luckily), and brought up comfortably- only good things happened to me, and that's why I'm so very Christian. I don't know what I would be if I weren't brought up Christian, and good things didn't happen to me. Maybe, I wouldn't believe. I don't really know.
I want to pray for all those who can't believe, who won't. Life has been tough on them, and I feel guilty leading a better one, and judging them for not calling out to You. I pray for them instead of them. I pray for all of them- can You please make them feel like someone is praying for them? You have a way with those kind of things :)
I can't judge people who won't pray, because I know that they deserve miracles too. I'm not angry that that little Christian girl got what she wanted, but I want a little non-Christian girl who has lost her ability to believe to be able to get her miracle too.
I'm a selfish girl myself, but I'd really love for a miracle to happen to a random faithless stranger because I endorsed it. I'm sending my vibes.
Cheers.
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